Regina! My favorite Refugee

Regina Spektor is my favorite modern day musical artist. She was also a refugee!
Those that close their hearts and minds to such beauty- I do not hate you. Though, I can only find sympathy and not empathy in my heart for you. I might not understand, but I do have a compassion. I would love to sit with you in a meaningful conversation which might then lead to empathy on both our parts. Until that day comes to fruition, know- I love you! I am here to have this conversation with anyone who does not feel the same. If you find it in your heart to hurt me with war rather than words, I will reciprocate with only love. Your next move will only speak in volume to who you are, and not of your God.

This is Regina Spektor singing to the President of the U.S.A. She is so humbled she is fumbling and shaking in his presence out of sheer honor and respect.

This is her doing the same piece as a music video-

I JUST CALLED TO SAY- REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!

IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS- I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!

My momma always dedicated the song- “I just called to say I love you” to me-

Tonight, after a long phone call to her best friend, and memories remembered, I asked her what my mom’s favorite song was, or what song makes her think of my mom… Her answer=

DEPECHE MODE- PERSONAL JESUS

Seriously!?! C’mon now…

Tell me you all get the connections!?!

Love you momma!

Still fucking with me even while you are away…

FAST CAR

I asked my friend tonight to tell me what song she loved the best.
She replied- “Tracy Chapman- Fast Car!”
One of my all time favorites. The song I listened to every day when I was young. I always listened to it imagining a way out. I innocently thought- I can escape!
This friend told me she picked this song because I told her about it. If it weren’t for me, she would have never heard of it. I am so grateful to know this beautiful soul. I feel so honored to show her the same way out. Maybe we can listen to it together someday?
Imagining a life different than what we were born into?
Sitting together- we could hold headphones- one ear to the other. We could listen close while knowing we didn’t hear everything. We would trust that the whole song was heard- because we know we would never lie to the other.
We will always be the girls trying to find that getaway car since…
There is no car fast enough to turn back time or speed past the future we are doomed to suffer.
I have been through it already. As much as I wish she could be free of this. I know too well she will soon endure.

Maybe???- You have already escaped. You are the one who got away!?!

I know for sure-YOU BELONG!!!  YOU ARE SOMEONE!!!

I love you so much- No ticket can buy a friendship like we have. ❤

IT’S LOVELY

I have been watching this beautiful book flying up through my Instagram timeline for months. Almost on a daily basis I would see its cover and send it soaring with my thumb into the nothingness above without thinking twice about it. Like a butterfly that refuses to land on outstretched arms while you beg, head thrown back and eyes closed, wishing with every ounce of your being- “Please! Show me a sign, pick me! Please! LAND ON ME!” Only I was the butterfly and this book; this lovely book had its arms stretched out for months in wait. Well, I finally landed, and I landed hard.
Being the gloomy recluse I have been for the past couple of years, its title and beauty postponed me from reading it. I never once Googled what it was about, nor did I read its synopsis. I like going into books with no expectations. Yet I was guilty of committing the one crime we are taught from birth not to do.
RULE #1! “Never Judge A Book By Its Cover!”
So, being days prior to my mother’s three-year anniversary of her death. I bought the Audible of this book thinking- Man, I could use some cheering up! Bright Places are exactly what this forsaken heart needs!
Little did I know that this book would be another lesson in “Beautifully Depressing.”
I had a friend once who always said I was strange, downright weird even. Simply because of just that, I love to find beauty in the most depressing places, stories, songs, people, etc.
This book is one of those stories. I will not give any other description beyond that. Just trust me when I say- READ IT!
I will note that I too believe in signs, just like Finch. I do not think it is a coincidence that I listened to this work of soul and heart days before the anniversary of my mother’s death. I would like to personally thank the author for pouring herself into what I believe will go on as a classic, even if cult. *Which in my opinion always ends up being the kind that never goes out of style*
So, thank you, Jennifer Niven. You have brought tears of lovely back into this gloomy girls eyes. Through the tears, I can see more clearly. Through the tears, prisms and rainbows let me know there will be brighter days.

THERE IS NO BETTER MAN

For an assignment in my 2014 Fall Creative Writing Course, our professor had us find a poem we resonated with and instructed us to write a poem in response to it.

This is the poem I found that evening- Felix Dennis- THE BETTER MAN-  

The professor never graded or replied to my assignment. Eh… At least I found an amazing poem and learned a few things about my own beliefs while writing.

R.I.P. Felix Dennis! You were a better man! ❤

Can I write a poem about a poem?

Can I explain myself this way?

Can I use metaphors and analogies?

Can I dissect someones soul away?

Maybe I love his voice when he recites

Maybe I like his timing

Maybe I love his anecdotes

Maybe it’s just his rhyming

Will you know what I even mean?

Will you understand?

Will you have your own meaning?

Will you make mine< lesser than?

I love this poem for so many reasons

I love this poem for his soul and his heart

I love this poem for his honesty

I love this poem for it is deeper than art

Who is the better man? He asks

Who is the better man? He tells

Who is the better man? I say-

Who is the better man- when its farewell…

When we are left without our best friend

When we are left behind and grieving

When we are left suffering guilt and sorrow

When we are left questioning everything

We think- They were the better person

We think- Why did they have to die

We think- Why was it them & not me

We think- Think and drink and drink and drink and we cry

BUT!

Who was the better man in the end? Who was the better man?

Was it his friend laying before him

In a coffin ready to be sent to bed

Or was it the man standing

if tables were turned

Wouldn’t the dead friend say it was him.

Who was the better man? Isn’t the question;

Who is the better man? Is negate

There is no better man in this world,

Love is love; even that is up for debate

30 Days- Completed!

*On 7/11 I posted this challenge- https://shinesinsights.com/2015/07/11/30-days-of-self-reflection/  * 

For 30 days l was supposed to wake up and listen to Michael Jackson- Man In The Mirror.

I had some pitfalls. Some days I forgot completely. Some days I doubled up and screamed it from the top of my lungs. On July 27th, I married the man of my dreams and love of my life. We eloped in South Lake Tahoe and were married by the most amazing creature. She had a Flock Of Seagulls/Ace Ventura Hairstyle with a twist. She told me she married her hairstylist. Being a hairstylist myself, I took that as a sign I was doing the right thing*cold feet abolished!*

She created such a special ceremony. Filled with prayers, prose and poems. One of them was from the Chippewa tribe which made me ecstatic! Since I used to always pretend I was Wednesday Adams on Thanksgiving holding a revolution for all the souls lost. All three of us were crying by the end of it. It was magical!

AND THEN!!!

When we went inside to do the final paperwork, the radio was on… Guess what song started as soon as we walked in the room! MAN IN THE FUCKING MIRROR BY MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!

Michael and I looked at each other and I just knew… It was a sign. Michael went on to explain to the receptionist that he was named after Mr. Jackson. His older sister was so in love with Michael Jackson that she talked their momma into naming him, Michael.

After 30 days of listening to this song, I have not only married my soulmate, I have begun to exercise, eat better, write consistently, and just feel powerful over myself. -The serenity prayer in full effect.

I do not think this will just be a 30-day challenge. This is a song I will return to often. Especially now that it holds an even deeper meaning to me.

TURN THE PAGE

There is something, this something is everything. It remembers the things I have forgotten. Its forgotten the things I am yet to remember. It loves all that I can possibly hate. It hates all that I can possibly love. It forgives, it resents. Ideas are brewing within this something like a storm. Its thunder is mediocre. Its lightning is revolutionary. It is humble and grandiose! It is who I was and who I am yet to be.

IDEAS– What a dangerous, dangerous thing– Built off of something that can be so beautiful! Something we can all learn from and then turn the page.

AND THEN– TURN THE PAGE ❤