Something More…

There is a voice in my head that screams in a whisper, “HOLD BACK!”
A piece of me wants nothing more than to listen to this dialect
The rest of me is belligerently vibrant with coy flagrancy
I am a woman birthed from an era between generations
disobeying symmetry
I am an anomaly, singularity, within a paradox of eternities
I am a cell multiplying
Born from the separation of others who held tight
I am not alone
Black hole, ocean tide, daily life
I am whole
Holy
Guided by stars, earth, water, fire, universally
Winded by humanity
Clouds comforting my soul
Welcoming the beginning and end
Forever?
Eternity!

 

My sister, Emme, is so beautiful!

Emme Stay

This picture reminds me of us singing Stay at the top of our lungs!

We both always wanted to play the bad sister. We used to take turns while singing this song to each other when we were younger. Soon after, we learned that art truly does mimic life and vice versa.
We also learned that history might not repeat itself, but it sure does echo and rhyme its truth.
I am so grateful you stayed! I wouldn’t be who I am today if you hadn’t pulled through.
I also couldn’t have pulled myself through everything that came after your survival- without YOU!  

Thank you for being my sister! Thank you for being so miraculous! ❤

Regina! My favorite Refugee

Regina Spektor is my favorite modern day musical artist. She was also a refugee!
Those that close their hearts and minds to such beauty- I do not hate you. Though, I can only find sympathy and not empathy in my heart for you. I might not understand, but I do have a compassion. I would love to sit with you in a meaningful conversation which might then lead to empathy on both our parts. Until that day comes to fruition, know- I love you! I am here to have this conversation with anyone who does not feel the same. If you find it in your heart to hurt me with war rather than words, I will reciprocate with only love. Your next move will only speak in volume to who you are, and not of your God.

This is Regina Spektor singing to the President of the U.S.A. She is so humbled she is fumbling and shaking in his presence out of sheer honor and respect.

This is her doing the same piece as a music video-

I JUST CALLED TO SAY- REACH OUT AND TOUCH FAITH!

IF YOU UNDERSTAND THIS- I FUCKING LOVE YOU!!!

My momma always dedicated the song- “I just called to say I love you” to me-

Tonight, after a long phone call to her best friend, and memories remembered, I asked her what my mom’s favorite song was, or what song makes her think of my mom… Her answer=

DEPECHE MODE- PERSONAL JESUS

Seriously!?! C’mon now…

Tell me you all get the connections!?!

Love you momma!

Still fucking with me even while you are away…

TURN THE PAGE

There is something, this something is everything. It remembers the things I have forgotten. Its forgotten the things I am yet to remember. It loves all that I can possibly hate. It hates all that I can possibly love. It forgives, it resents. Ideas are brewing within this something like a storm. Its thunder is mediocre. Its lightning is revolutionary. It is humble and grandiose! It is who I was and who I am yet to be.

IDEAS– What a dangerous, dangerous thing– Built off of something that can be so beautiful! Something we can all learn from and then turn the page.

AND THEN– TURN THE PAGE ❤

EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING

There seems to be no point to anything. Then again, there seems to be a point to everything. This paradox we are living in is only visible to a few, or so it seems.
What we call “UP” has been passed down generation to generation through multiple languages until it reaches whichever language we’ve inherited through birth. Same goes for “Down” and every other word we use to describe our existence.
Every word is “man”-made (Or so we think).
We have been told stories as if they are facts. We have been told the news as if it is the truth. We have seen things with our very own eyes only to hear someone else say, “NO! THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED!!!”
It could be as simple as “You moved that piece to the jigsaw puzzle! I saw you!” And your friend, with absolute truth running through their whole being is also saying, “NO! I DIDN’T!”
Who is telling the truth and who is a liar?
What is the truth? What is a Lie?
This whole world is made up of both.
Some lies are good, some truths are evil- or so we say.
The bottom line is- WE SAY!
WE SAY!!!
We say there is an up and a down, a left and a right, a good and a bad.
We have books written by people who lived generations before us, and still millions of people hold those words as fact or truth.
All the old scripture, which few have ever even actually seen with their own eyes- are willing to DIE for what they read.
So many religions, faiths, and beliefs claiming TRUTH & FACT!
Science also claims TRUTH & FACT!
The Earth is flat, no wait it’s round!
The smallest particle is an atom, no wait it might be dark matter.
Oh yeah, that nothingness we said was nothing, could very well be everything.
Do not eat that egg! It will kill you with cholesterol! Never mind, eggs are good again!
Do not kill animals because they feel pain, and we can see them scream and suffer. Oh, don’t worry about the insects or vegetation since we can’t comprehend their pain, it is totally fine…
I am at a point in my life where I wish I believed in something. I wish I had the faith and conviction to say, “This right here! These words and feelings I have! THEY ARE REAL!”
I cannot.
Not even what I am typing right now.
This! This is the true paradox.
Everything I am writing is an absolute lie and an absolute truth.
It is so because I say and write it is so. It is not so because it isn’t universal.
Nothing is. Which also means everything is. Catch my drift?

I had a dream a while back where every single human being on the planet stopped what they were doing at that exact moment. Everyone went outside, raised their arms and eyes to the sky and screamed in unison-
“WE WILL NOT DO ANOTHER THING UNTIL SOMEONE COMES DOWN HERE AND TELLS US WHAT IS GOING ON!!!”

Maybe I have abandonment issues? Maybe I need meds? Maybe I am a new or old breed of human who needs to stop being so scared of sharing these thoughts and feelings because there is probably a million other people out there just like me?

Your Biggest Regret

What if you woke up tomorrow morning with no eyes, tongue, hands or ears? With no way to communicate?
If it were to happen to you, I ask- What would be your biggest regret?

For me- It would be my reclusiveness. The book I never finished writing, the poem I never recited, the songs that were never recorded and that they all have gone unshared.